Jun 162013
 

Comprehensive collection of Funny Quotes. The compilation includes some good quality text submitted by users. Browse through our nice repository of Funny Quotes with latest and new quotes being added quite often. You will find unique quotes and sayings which you can rate and review. Explore best and rare collection of Funny Quotes here, select any text from the wide range and share or send using mobile. Apart from general Funny Quotes, the collection also includes some popular Funny Quotes. You can help us to enrich this collection of Funny Quotes by sending and submitting more messages from your collection to us and by providing nice ideas. This is Part – 41 of Funny Quotes.

You’ve got about as much chance as finding a vegetarian pit bull terrier.- Anonymous

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Zero-zero is a big score.

Jun 162013
 

Comprehensive collection of Funny Quotes. The compilation includes some good quality text submitted by users. Browse through our nice repository of Funny Quotes with latest and new quotes being added quite often. You will find unique quotes and sayings which you can rate and review. Explore best and rare collection of Funny Quotes here, select any text from the wide range and share or send using mobile. Apart from general Funny Quotes, the collection also includes some popular Funny Quotes. You can help us to enrich this collection of Funny Quotes by sending and submitting more messages from your collection to us and by providing nice ideas. This is Part – 40 of Funny Quotes.

Won’t they all stop eventually?

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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

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Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

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You can have my gun when you pry it from my paranoid, mentally disturbed, physically abusive, cold, dead hand.- Bumper sticker

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You cannot grow a beard in a moment of passion.

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You know how most packages say ‘Open here’. What is the protocol if the package says, ‘Open somewhere else’?

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You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

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You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas – George Carlin

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You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.- John Mendoza

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You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

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You son, could start a riot in a graveyard.

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You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.- George Washington

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You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try’.- Homer J Simpson

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You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.

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You watch the pitlane while I stop the start watch’- Murray Walker

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You’ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

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You’re only as good as your last haircut.

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You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.- Dilbert

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You’re so much more endearing with the sound turned off.- Brandon Boyd

Jun 162013
 

Comprehensive collection of Funny Quotes. The compilation includes some good quality text submitted by users. Browse through our nice repository of Funny Quotes with latest and new quotes being added quite often. You will find unique quotes and sayings which you can rate and review. Explore best and rare collection of Funny Quotes here, select any text from the wide range and share or send using mobile. Apart from general Funny Quotes, the collection also includes some popular Funny Quotes. You can help us to enrich this collection of Funny Quotes by sending and submitting more messages from your collection to us and by providing nice ideas. This is Part – 39 of Funny Quotes.

Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a ‘near miss’?

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Why is it when your almost dead your on deaths doorstep, but when your actually dead your not in deaths house?

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Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

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Why is Joey short for Joe, when Joey has more letters?

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Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?

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Why is most lunchmeat bigger than the bread?

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Why is shampoo clear but conditioner not?

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Why is the alphabet in that order?

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Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

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Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

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Why is the word ‘abbreviate’ so long?

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Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

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Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?

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Why isn’t ‘palindrome’ spelled the same way backwards?

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Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

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Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

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Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

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Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.

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Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. Roseanne quotes

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Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. Billy Crystal quotes

Jun 162013
 

Comprehensive collection of Funny Quotes. The compilation includes some good quality text submitted by users. Browse through our nice repository of Funny Quotes with latest and new quotes being added quite often. You will find unique quotes and sayings which you can rate and review. Explore best and rare collection of Funny Quotes here, select any text from the wide range and share or send using mobile. Apart from general Funny Quotes, the collection also includes some popular Funny Quotes. You can help us to enrich this collection of Funny Quotes by sending and submitting more messages from your collection to us and by providing nice ideas. This is Part – 38 of Funny Quotes.

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

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Why is a women’s prison called a penal colony?

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Why is an alarm clock going ‘off’ when it actually turns on?

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Why is an electrical outlet called an outlet when you plug things into it? Shouldn’t it be called an inlet.?

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Why is an elevator still called an elevator even when its going down?

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Why is Grape Nuts cereal called that, when it contains neither grapes, nor nuts?

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Why is it call ‘after dark’ when it really is ‘after light’?

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Why is it called a ‘building’ when it is already built?

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Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?

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Why is it called a ‘drive through’ if you have to stop?

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Why is it called a TV ‘set’ when you only get one?

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Why is it called ‘after dark’, when it is really after light?

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Why is it called eggplant, when there’s no egg in it?

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Why is it called pineapple, when’s there neither pine nor apple in it?

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Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?

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Why is it that cargo is transported by ship while a shipment is transported by car?

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Why is it that lemon dishsoap is made with real lemons, but lemon juice is artificial flavoring?

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Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

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Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why is it when a door is open it’s ajar, but when a jar is open it’s not adoor?

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Why is it that whenever you sing to the radio, your voice is higher? Even when you have a low voice?

Jun 162013
 

Comprehensive collection of Funny Quotes. The compilation includes some good quality text submitted by users. Browse through our nice repository of Funny Quotes with latest and new quotes being added quite often. You will find unique quotes and sayings which you can rate and review. Explore best and rare collection of Funny Quotes here, select any text from the wide range and share or send using mobile. Apart from general Funny Quotes, the collection also includes some popular Funny Quotes. You can help us to enrich this collection of Funny Quotes by sending and submitting more messages from your collection to us and by providing nice ideas. This is Part – 37 of Funny Quotes.

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

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Why do we have hot water heaters?

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Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

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Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?

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Why do we scrub Down and wash Up?

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Why do we sing ‘Take me out to the ball game’, when we are already there?

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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?

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Why does an alarm clock ‘go off’ when it begins ringing?

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Why does Bugs bunny walk around the cartoon naked, but puts a bathing suit on when he goes swimming?

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Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

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Why does mineral water that has ‘trickled through mountains for centuries’ go out of date next year?

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Why does ‘slow down’ and ‘slow up’ mean the same thing?

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Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up ‘there’ anyway?

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Why doesn’t a chicken egg taste like chicken?

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Why doesn’t ‘onomatopoeia’ sound like what it is?

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Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

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Why don’t they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the martest race of people on Earth.

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Why don’t you ever hear about gruntled employees?

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Why don’t you ever see baby pigeons?

Jun 162013
 

Comprehensive collection of Funny Quotes. The compilation includes some good quality text submitted by users. Browse through our nice repository of Funny Quotes with latest and new quotes being added quite often. You will find unique quotes and sayings which you can rate and review. Explore best and rare collection of Funny Quotes here, select any text from the wide range and share or send using mobile. Apart from general Funny Quotes, the collection also includes some popular Funny Quotes. You can help us to enrich this collection of Funny Quotes by sending and submitting more messages from your collection to us and by providing nice ideas. This is Part – 36 of Funny Quotes.

Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

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Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

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Why do guys wear underpants?

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Why do mattresses have designs on them when they’re always covered with sheets?

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Why do people never say ‘it’s only a game’ when they’re winning?

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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

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Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

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Why do people say ‘You scared the living daylights out of me’ when daylight is not living?

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Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee?

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Why do they call it

Jun 162013
 

Comprehensive collection of Funny Quotes. The compilation includes some good quality text submitted by users. Browse through our nice repository of Funny Quotes with latest and new quotes being added quite often. You will find unique quotes and sayings which you can rate and review. Explore best and rare collection of Funny Quotes here, select any text from the wide range and share or send using mobile. Apart from general Funny Quotes, the collection also includes some popular Funny Quotes. You can help us to enrich this collection of Funny Quotes by sending and submitting more messages from your collection to us and by providing nice ideas. This is Part – 35 of Funny Quotes.

Why are SOFTballs hard?

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Why are the cabs from the Yellow Cab Company painted orange?

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Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

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Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

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Why are there never any artist’s materials in a drawing room?

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Why are they called goose bumps? Do geese get people bumps?

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Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

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Why are they called ‘stands’ when they’re made for sitting?

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Why are toe nail clippers bigger than finger nail clippers when your toe nails are smaller than your finger nails?

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Why are we afraid of falling?

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Why aren’t there bulletproof pants?

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Why can magicians make things disappear into thin air, but not thick air?

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Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

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Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

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Why didn’t Luke Skywalker tell Darth Vader to turn to the light side of the Force?

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Why do airlines call flights nonstop?

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Why do bars advertise live bands?

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Why do birds have white poop?

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Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep?

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Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They

Jun 162013
 

Comprehensive collection of Funny Quotes. The compilation includes some good quality text submitted by users. Browse through our nice repository of Funny Quotes with latest and new quotes being added quite often. You will find unique quotes and sayings which you can rate and review. Explore best and rare collection of Funny Quotes here, select any text from the wide range and share or send using mobile. Apart from general Funny Quotes, the collection also includes some popular Funny Quotes. You can help us to enrich this collection of Funny Quotes by sending and submitting more messages from your collection to us and by providing nice ideas. This is Part – 34 of Funny Quotes.

When you come to a fork in the road, take it – Yogi Berra If you don’t know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else!

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When you invite the whole world to your party, inevitably someone pees in the beer.- Xeni Jardin

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When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

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When you put ‘THE’ and ‘IRS’ together, it forms ‘THEIRS’. Coincidence? I think not?

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When your bank account is so overdrawn that it is positively photographic, steps must be taken.- Dorothy Parker

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When your IQ rises to 28, sell.- Irwin Corey

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When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you’re just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

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When you’re sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

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When you’ve got them by their wallets, their hearts and minds will follow.

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Whenever I hear any one arguing for slavery I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.

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Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I’m thirsty, not dirty.- Joe E. Lewis

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Where are Preparations A through G?

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Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end.- Jerry Seinfeld

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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?

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Who invented accents?

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Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my hard disk?

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Why are boxing rings square?

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Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?

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Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

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Why are semi-trucks bigger than regular trucks?

Jun 162013
 

Comprehensive collection of Funny Quotes. The compilation includes some good quality text submitted by users. Browse through our nice repository of Funny Quotes with latest and new quotes being added quite often. You will find unique quotes and sayings which you can rate and review. Explore best and rare collection of Funny Quotes here, select any text from the wide range and share or send using mobile. Apart from general Funny Quotes, the collection also includes some popular Funny Quotes. You can help us to enrich this collection of Funny Quotes by sending and submitting more messages from your collection to us and by providing nice ideas. This is Part – 33 of Funny Quotes.

What part of the monkey do you use a monkey wrench on?

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What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

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What’s the opposite of opposite?

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What”s the use of happiness? It can”t buy you money.

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When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.- Edward Abbey

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When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.- George Bernard Shaw

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When all else fails, stop using ‘all else’.- Anonymous

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When blind people go to the bathroom, how do they know when they are done wiping their butt?

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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.- Mae West

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When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. Anonymous quotes

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When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

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When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

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When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me.

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When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

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When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.- Gracie Allen

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When I was young I used to think that money was the most important thing in life. Now that I am old, I know it is.

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When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I’m labeled senile.

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When people lose weight, where does it go?

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When shit becomes valuable, the poor will be born without assholes.

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When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves?

Jun 162013
 

Comprehensive collection of Funny Quotes. The compilation includes some good quality text submitted by users. Browse through our nice repository of Funny Quotes with latest and new quotes being added quite often. You will find unique quotes and sayings which you can rate and review. Explore best and rare collection of Funny Quotes here, select any text from the wide range and share or send using mobile. Apart from general Funny Quotes, the collection also includes some popular Funny Quotes. You can help us to enrich this collection of Funny Quotes by sending and submitting more messages from your collection to us and by providing nice ideas. This is Part – 32 of Funny Quotes.

What color would a smurf turn if you choked it?

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What did we do before the Law of Gravity was passed?

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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

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What do people in China call their good plates?

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What do they expect to find? A silver sixpence?

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What do you call a female daddy long legs?

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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

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What does a dead band sound like?

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What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbits foot?

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What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

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What ever happened to an E grade? We have A,B,C,D,F but no E?

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What hair color do they put on the driver’s license of a bald man?

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What happened to the first 6 ups?

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What happens when you call a 1-800 number collect?

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What is a free gift?

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What is a male ladybug called?

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What is a movie star? A movie star is many things. They can be tall, short, thin, or skinny. They can be democrats…or skinny.

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What is another word for ‘thesaurus’?

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What is it with McDonald’s staff who pretend they don’t understand you unless you insert the ‘Mc’ before the item you’re ordering? It has to be a McChicken burger…a chicken burger gets blank looks. Well, I’ll have a McStraw and jam it into your McEyes, you f**cking McTosser!

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What is the speed of dark?